A life time ago, I had a life that did not revolve around my army of children. I used to have fun and be carefree. I was lucky enough to find my best friend early in life and we made the most of it. Oh did we ever. We saw the world, we did “dangerous” activities. I use this term lightly because I am deathly afraid of heights, snakes, dark water and am not naturally adventurous but I did do things out of my comfort zone, not as cool as my husband but let’s just save that for another post. I saw things I never thought I would ever get to see, experience things I never imagined I would be capable of doing. We used to throw epic parties, load up our tiny truck and canoe and head out fishing for the day, we did what we wanted when we wanted and had so much fun along the way.
I miss those days, the endless freedom and minimal responsibilities. The simple pleasures of lying in the sun and reading a great book, or staying up too late ( I still do this most nights, I’m a night owl but I regret it every morning…kinda) I miss who I was, who my husband and I were together, I miss the ease and ability to not have to plan around naps, food and bedtimes. Or spending countless hours packing and prepping to have forgotten to bring a soother on a freaking string so they won’t lose it 5 mins in.
But I regret nothing, we did so much before our family came that when we finally decided to have our first baby we were as ready to let go of that life as much as we could have been. I do not regret having my sweet and adorable babies……ok most of the time I just question my judgement and think what the F was I thinking having this many but I always wanted them. I always felt that in all of our adventures something was missing, it was our little buddies. My biggest adventures was having my babies, I literally climbed mountains while pregnant with all of them, and man do they ever make me work for the fun these days but I still get to have fun. We still get to see the world, we traveled to Iceland with our first at 9 months old and it was one of my favorite places. We still get to load up our canoe even if it sat in our yard for 5 years and we had to upgrade our truck, I may not get to go fishing but my children get to have those moments now, they get to see the world with us and experience “dangerous” activities……I swear they all take after their dad and will kill me one day.
I do miss my old life, but it is a different kind of fun now. The kind that takes more work but at the end of the day, I get to create the fun in their eyes because they don’t need to be burdened with the rest. All they need to remember is the camping trips, birthday parties, trips to the beach and lake house, all the big epic moments and the little ones. I do miss being able to have fun with my husband, but for now we have to tag team and that’s just the phase of life we are in, one day soon we will have that time back together but for now we each get to escape for a day or 2 and have a little bittersweet fun without your best friend to share it with.